how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
