Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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