i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
