at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
