We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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