i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
