you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
