Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
