WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
my poor anus
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
