how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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