What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
