his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I will pee on everything he values.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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