Who wears a wallet chain?!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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