The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
