Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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