My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In other news, I just burned my penis
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
