If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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