Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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