Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
