Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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