ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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