dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Randomize
