Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
