grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
