How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You're like the curious george of whores
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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