Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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