How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
