I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
