i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
