Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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