Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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