I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
