Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
