I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
