i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
