Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
