Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
