I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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