1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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