My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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