the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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