its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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