oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
