so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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