she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
