Sry I called you an 8
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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