this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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