I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
