I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We are all done wearing pants today
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
