one two three fourrrrnication!
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Randomize
