My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
