Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
