ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
