Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
COCAINE IS GR8
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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