It was like getting head from an anaconda
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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